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Fanfic:Masks

Masks
Fandom: The World Ends With You
Rated: NC-17 for self-harm, drug usage and underage masturbating. Reader's discretion advised.

(X-posted to several places.)


Neku came home as usual, his tie loose and his arms carrying books by the dozen. He kicked off his shoes and went into the place he called his home. His mother greeted him as usual, and he responded with a smile before entering his room. This routine was so normal, the smiles he gave turned insincere. The happiness of coming home faded. And slowly, slowly..he felt himself changing. Some days, when he looked into the mirror, he felt incomplete.He felt like his eyes were too hollow, his body too spindly and his hair too long. Other times, he decided his eyes were an attractive shade of blue. Or his body was balanced. Or he decided he liked when his hair draped across his shoulder.
Sometimes, Neku Sakuraba was different.

{Difference was a flaw.}

"Mmft.."

Neku pressed his back to the cold wall, pressing his hand to his mouth and restricting any sound from escaping. The moans he wanted to give were trapped in his throat as a low internal groan, and his breaths were coming out rapidly through his nose and caressing the spaces between his fingers. His eyes watered, and his toes scrunched themselves up.

That familiar warmth and weird feelings pooled up somewhere below his stomach, and he savored every moment he had with it. He began to groan louder, sweating all his grief out and pumping his other hand faster. His body was almost tired of releasing, but he willed himself to come. And he did. Streams of white spurted out and painted the ceramic beneath him a smooth, sticky coat. He shivered, clinging onto the pleasuring after effects that lasted about a second, before letting go of his member and panting out loud. His chest ached. His stomach ached. His legs ached.

After a few minutes, Neku stood up. He supported himself on the counter with his hands to allow the cramps in his legs to go away before trying to move. He walked across the white glistening on the floor towards the pipe attached to the wall and turned it on. Water gushed out. Neku washed away whatever remained of his dirty act. He scrubbed his body; his arms, his legs, his abdomen. Still that dirty feeling remained everywhere spread around his body.

He felt so impure. He didn't blame it. He was impure.

{He knew purity meant keeping stress bottled up in himself till he burst.}

New Year came. His family members arrived in fancy cars, fancy get ups. His cousins and uncles and aunties came with smiles all pasted all over their faces. All fake. All lies.

They asked pointless questions, all with ridiculous answers just to make everyone laugh. Neku ignored them. It was enough he sacrificed the time with his headphones and was forced to listen to all the bullshit happening outside his world. That world was called Reality. Neku hated it with all his heart.

His family was given a vast table. His mother insisted on sitting somewhere beside her son. Neku didn't care. All the while, his cousins talked among themselves, laughing and almost upsetting the table. Neku sat still.He stared at his only friend at the moment. The napkin.
When the food arrived, Neku barely ate a bite. Nobody except his mother cared. Neku didn't want anyone to care. He isolated himself from the rest of his family. His mother insisted on making him eat. He let the food pile up on his plate uneaten. His mother turned angry.

"Neku Sakuraba!" Neku remembered her saying."If you're going to act like you don't want to be here, get out of this restaurant!" He didn't take a split second to make a decision. The entire restaurant and his family stared at him. Neku stood up, and went swiftly out of the restaurant. He didn't stop to think where he was headed. He just walked. Walked, on and on.
Where he didn't belong, he wouldn't go. Easy as that. And the places he didn't belong in were places where people were at. That certainly cut down the choices.

Neku was alone. He found a nice, secluded area where an empty skateboard ramp stood and graffiti vandalized whatever wall was there. Neku sat down and leaned against that wall, fondness already growing for it. He touched the smooth surface of it. There was a small black signature of the letters CAT at the bottom.

Thank you for being a friend, Neku thought, as he fixed his headphones on and blocked out the world.

{Because all friends are fake.}

Neku ignored the shouts and screams from his mother as he went upstairs to his room. He slammed the door close and locked it. He was angry at his mother for taking away that packet of ecstasy he had bought. He sat on his bed and curled into the blankets to make the moment pass. Even an orgasm wouldn't help anymore. His veins craved that substance, that rush of drugs that made his world spin and weave music. That was all he needed. And now he had lost it. He gritted his teeth and felt cold even through his blankets. He felt nauseous, but he couldn't throw up. He wanted to scream, but at the same time he wanted to tear his lips off and stay a mute for the rest of his life. It was too unbearable. Neku stretched out a hand, and took the switch blade from his bedside table.

'Maybe..' he thought, his hand shaking as he held the blade to his arm, 'maybe this might help subside the effects.'
He made it quick. One quick slice, and his blood spilled. He gasped in pleasure. He could feel the coldness of the blade; the pain it brought. And it felt so damn good. Neku experimented on several places. His arm, his leg, wherever he could touch. All brought the delicious race of his pulse. All brought blood gushing to the bed sheets. Neku only stopped once his head turned feather light and he collapsed on the crimson blankets. Nothing else but fate would stop him.

{Fate was carved by him.}

After his mother's death, Neku decided he would open up. He decided to open up just a little more. And people came and hurt him. It was painful; more painful that jumping off the 16th floor and crashing on the pavement. This pain was internal. Neku hated it. He wished he could jump off the 16th floor right now. But he couldn't. Not with heavy chains binding him to the bed.

"You know,sonny." the nurse said, each time Neku struggled and yelled to be released."You caused your mother's death. Isn't that enough to make you change for the better, huh?"

Neku knew. The truth was painful. Everything was painful. He hated it. He hated himself. He hated everyone. He wouldn't say sorry to her corpse lying in her coffin. He wouldn't mourn her. He only knew that he wished she was still here to hit him and scold him. He already missed her. His tears wouldn't fall for her.

{He knew she wouldn't want him to cry.}

Neku went into the Game alone. No one knew he died. Neither did they care. Shiki, Beat and Joshua got to know him. He had gotten hurt once. He wouldn't risk it again. He didn't let them into his world. He kept to himself all the time.

{A world for himself, and only him.}

Joshua knew everything. Even as he pointed the gun at Neku. That smirk. That poise. Neku felt so betrayed. His finger was close to pulling the trigger and end it. Kill that smile. Kill that bastard. Before he did, he suddenly remembered how he was betrayed before. Why was this any different? Why did he bother? There wasn't anyone waiting for him in the real world. Why save Shiki and Beat? Why when they would end up hurting him as well? Neku threw his gun to the floor while both sides of his mind clashed in war.

3..

2..

Wait! Neku needed time to rethink things! Maybe.. maybe Shiki and Beat were different. Maybe they-..

{Time betrayed him as well.}

As he woke up, Neku looked at the blur figures of people around him. He was surprised to see that people were noticing him. It took him a few seconds to realize he was alive. That his heart was beating. That his pulse was racing. His emotions were mixed. He crouched into a fetal position and balled his hands up.

Joshua.

Brought.

Him.

Back.

To.

Life.
..
"WHAT THE HELL?!!"

{People disrespect his decisions.}

Neku smiled as he saw Beat and Rhyme. They stood near to the Hachiko statue, smiling and waving back. He sprinted over. They greeted him and talked like they were old friends. Neku answered as casually as possible.

He wore a mask. He didn't want to get hurt again. So,right now, he was going to carve himself a fate where he was the one that hurt.
All it took was fixing on a mask and a smile.

{Life needs the assassin and the victim to be balanced. Sometimes, just sometimes, the assassin ends up tutoring the victim and getting killed by his own mistake.}

Thank you for reading! Please R&R.



Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
nabtheheart
Jun. 8th, 2012 04:19 pm (UTC)
Long time no see! ^-^ This has lots of charm as always. Probably the most emo Neku I've seen to date X3
Why don't you leave spaces after your punctuation marks though? Is that just the way people word process in a different country..?
kogarajoshi
Jun. 9th, 2012 12:56 am (UTC)
Oh,really?o_O I've never been taught to leave spaces after punctuation marks...Might try and change that.^^
It's great to see you again.Where have you been,compadre? :)
nabtheheart
Jun. 9th, 2012 12:54 pm (UTC)
Nowhere, actually ^^ (I've been glued to my computer screen the whole of study leave. Except I've been using that time trying to translate doujins using google translate ^^")
kogarajoshi
Aug. 24th, 2012 09:37 am (UTC)
Aha after two months I finally added spaces! ^_^ Thanks for the info; I never knew about leaving spaces, to be honest. It's a habit, now. Domo!
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )